It’s Just You and Me Babe
Great site! I’m so excited for you! I think the trend that I am seeing in dating today is this fast track that couples go on. It seems like one day they start dating and the next they are absolutely consumed with each other, leaving family and friends behind. I feel like [I] see this in both Christian and non-christian dating relationships. Firat of all, do you think there is a danger in that? And second of all, what are good ways for couples to keep from moving too quickly as well as becoming each others sole world?
– Jessica
Jessica thanks for being the first question! Not sure if this is a Jessica I know or not—but thanks! First, is there danger in moving too quickly and then isolating as a couple? Absolutely. However, at the beginning of a relationship there is so much excitement and its so very new, that I think its only natural for a couple to want to spend all their time together. But I think this is only healthy for a season. At some point the couple needs to bring balance to their lives. This is good for them as individuals and as a couple.
I don’t think its possible for a single person to fulfill your needs in every area of life. I believe God created us to need relationship with Him, and also relationships within a community. Just spending all your time with one person (for too long) is a very narrow way to live life, and will have negative effects eventually on you personally and on your relationship.
Now don’t get me wrong. There is no one in the world I’d rather spend time with than my wife Mandy. But I also recognize that its good and healthy for both of us to have genuine friendships outside of our relationship. Those friendships strengthen us both as individuals, making us better partners for each other in the long run.
The second part of your question is also true—there are good ways for a couple to resist the urge to isolate or move too fast. I think one great tool to keep you from isolating is to purposefully hangout in groups. This is good on so many levels. I really think you can learn a lot about each other when you see how you treat each other in public; how you interact as a couple while others are around; if you act differently with friends when your partner is around; and so on.
Also, a great way to keep from moving too fast is to ask a mature married couple to speak into your relationship. Mandy and I had two married couples we respected (one older and one close to our age) who we gave free license to speak honestly into our relationship. Sometimes that honesty was difficult to hear, but it always produced fruit and we are much better off because of it. So ask a couple you trust to speak honestly into your lives. What’s great about getting others to speak into your relationship is that sometimes its difficult to monitor yourself honestly when you have all these emotions running wild. When you are madly in love and everything is awesome, its sometimes hard to think critically and say “Wait – we’re moving too fast here.” So an outside source is often a very valuable asset.