Archive for August, 2009
I am so frustrated by what poor Samuel is going through right now. For the past three years the boy has struggled with stomach pain. At times it has been intermittent and at times it has seemed almost constant. This pain drives him from the things he loves. He’ll be playing with his friends outside, and be forced to come inside and lay on the couch or sit on the toilet. He can scarcely make it through a soccer practice without having to come out and sit, and often go the port-a-potty. He almost NEVER makes it through an entire meal, without it hurting and sending him to the couch to lay down. And lately, it has been worse than ever.
The pain at times consumes him. You can see it on his face. He is terrified of throwing up, even though that has never happened. But that just shows you how much it must be hurting. It’s so hard as a parent because I can’t know exactly what’s going on inside of him, and kids are notoriously bad at telling you where and how the pain hurts. I’m imagining that it is like nausea and and cramps together. It often doubles him over. It is so sad.
We have taken him to doctors, had blood work done, MRI’s, ultrasounds, the works. Nothing. We took him to GI specialists. Nothing. Now we are starting the process all over again with another hospital because we are desperate. Samuel often talks about wanting Jesus to come back, so that the pain can stop. That scares me.
So I’m writing this, because no one really knows the extent of suffering that this little boy is in. And he needs prayer. Please be praying for him and asking for direct healing from God, or for God to help us figure it out medically fast. He needs an answer.
The best answer anyone has been able to give us so far is that it is childhood irritable bowel syndrome. No medicine for it. He’s supposed to grow out of it.
That’s just not good enough. We need to do better.
So please pray!
Last night I was working at Bruce’s house installing some new lighting in the downstairs bedrooms. I’ve done my share of low level electrical work so I really should know what I’m doing for installing lights. The problem is, when we took down the old lights we didn’t mark the breaker box for which circuit breaker is which light.
So before installing the first light, I turned off several breakers and was pretty confident I had gotten the right one. Just to be safe, and electrician friend of mine told me to always put the light switch to “off.” So I did. This little piece of advice saved me from a very electrifying experience!
After hooking up the light I went to flip the light switch, before heading to the breaker box . . . and the light turned on! AAAHHHH!!!!! In case you aren’t following me here, basically this means I was working with live wires when I hooked up the light!!!
So scary. It made me really thankful for not being dead, or severely hurt, or anything like that. So that’s my exciting near-death story. I’m very happy to be alive and able to blog this morning!
I was reading in John a couple nights ago and I stumbled upon something I’ve never noticed before. I like that kind of stuff, so I’m going to write about it!
In the beginning of the book, John writes about the time that John the Baptist first knew who Jesus really was. He says this, “I did not know Him, but He who sent me to baptize with water said to me, ‘Upon whom you see the Spirit descending, and remaining on Him, this is He who baptizes with the Holy Spirit.’”
What struck me, is the picture painted in this scene. John is out baptizing and preaching like normal, and here comes Jesus walking up to him. Now, we know from the Bible that John the Baptist and Jesus are actually related, so I’m going to make an assumption here that they already know each other. I could be wrong of course, but it seems very plausible to me given the fact that their moms spent several months together during while they were pregnant with the boys. Why we would assume that they would not remain close is beyond me.
So I think John the Baptist knows Jesus already as his relative. Probably think he’s a good guy, never really seen him be mean or anything. Probably really respects him. But I do not that he knows he is the Savior. That’s why he says, “I did not know Him.” He didn’t know who the Savior was.
And then, all of the sudden, he sees the sign that God has told him to be looking for – and it comes on Jesus! I was just reading this and wondering, what was John’s initial reaction? We see other places where Jesus’ relatives really struggle with his identity as the Son of God, I wonder how John reacted.
How he handled the situation though, is a huge testament to his integrity and total dependance on the leading of the Holy Spirit. And I guess I just wonder what I would have done. Am I able to see outside what I already expect and know in life or in ministry? Do I have an open mind (or spirit) enough to handle new directions that God may want to take me in? Am I willing to be surprised by God? Or am I stuck in my preconceptions – have I ritualized my faith to the point where the new and challenging and fresh things from God have a hard time breaking through?
I have a new-found respect for John. I think he could have doubted this for many reasons. But he chose to trust God. Who knows what John was expecting to see – probably not Jesus! And yet he was pliable enough in God’s hands, open enough to the creative move of God’s Spirit, that he didn’t miss it.
This is challenging for me as a person and as a leader. It is dangerous to try and keep God in a box of my understanding or of my past experiences. Just because he has done something a certain way in my life up until now, does not mean he can’t change it, or do something new.
Also – when it comes to problems or dilemmas or decisions … just because I can’t see the solution, doesn’t mean he doesn’t have one right around the corner. I might not recognize it as a solution until he highlights it, but he knows the right timing for all that.
So I thought this was interesting. Is there anything in your life where you need break God out of a box?
No, this is not a post about exercise. I was just thinking about something today, and thought I’d think about it some more here…
I have had this thought run through my mind several times in the last year(s): “Man, this situation (struggle, decision, obstacle, worry) is really wearing me down, I can’t wait until it’s through.” Do you ever think that when you are in the middle of something?
I feel like it has just been one thing after another for a long time. For instance, Mandy and I agonized for months and months about whether we would try again to have a living baby or not. This decision hung around my life like a weight. Truly. It invaded my thoughts at all hours of the day and night. It was as if something was always following me, like an emotional shadow over my life. Sometimes during that time period I just wanted so badly for it to all go away. Now, I knew that wasn’t possible. And we faced it straight on with prayer and faith and wisdom and much counsel.
And that’s something I’ve learned about things like this. Often our human nature wants the easy way out. We want the quick fix to our problem – whether it be an external problem or an internal emotional one. If not a quick fix, than avoidance. That’s why so many people do so many things to cover up the pain (confusion, self doubt, worry, uncertainty, etc). It makes sense. It is easier to drink it away (or whatever) than face it head one. Because facing it is painful, and opens you up to a long process.
But that’s the key. The long process. I am convinced this is why God has drawn me to hiking at pivotal times in my life, because making big decisions, undergoing change, and even suffering, require the same fortitude and stick-to-it-iveness as a long, difficult hike. But, as in hiking, often the joy is in the trek. The true salvation is in the process, not just the end result.
So anyway, even though I’m so optimistic about he process and all, I still kind of hate it :) I just have felt lately that as soon as one “weight” gets resolved, and my mind is free from having to circle this thought constantly, then WHAM – I am sucked into another one. I was thinking today how tiring this is. How can I always be carrying a weight?
And then I started to think about God. I’ve been trying to renew my passion for God’s word lately, something that has fallen off as of late. And today I was reminded of a verse that I’ve always loved. It’s in Matthew where Jesus tells us that he’ll carry the weights and burdens of our lives. And I realized – that’s what I need that in my life. That’s real. I need the help of a loving and very strong Savior.
So, I’m not entirely sure how to put that all into practice, but in my own way I’m trying. Anyone else care to share? ;) Does anyone else feel weighty? What do you do with that?
Sometimes in ministry you get to be a part of something that is just bigger than yourself. Last week was one of those moments. As the regional youth task force leader for the vineyard east, I am pretty free to design events to promote youth, youth ministry, and youth pastors in our region. About a half a year ago the idea to do a leadership bootcamp came to me in the shower (a great place to talk to God and get ideas), and last week was the culmination of months of preparation and hard work.
I talk a lot as a youth pastor about dreaming big. Especially when I train leaders, I try to help them tap into that “inner child” that expects exciting things to happen. Sometimes as adults we can begin to view all creative ideas through a “why that doesn’t work in the real world” filter. This is sad. So I try to work with youth pastors and young leaders to dream big, to be imaginative. I think leaders should always have a couple levels of goals they are pursuing: immediate goals that have a clear path to accomplishment; long term goals that will take more work but are certainly doable; and dreams which are ideas that may or may not be possible, but you are going to try anyway.
This was an example of dreaming big for me, and I have been excited/nervous about it for a while. There are all sorts of reasons why it could have not worked. In the end, most all of my worries were not realized. I have a few corrections I will make if and when we do it again, but overall it was a bigger success than I imagined.
In the midst of the school, I began to get this feeling (like I said earlier) that I was almost watching this thing that was bigger than all of us. There was a true hunger and passion in these teens, and I believe some very formational moments happened that many of these kids will look back on in later years and remember. This is what i love about youth ministry. The teen years are so full of potential for life-long effect.
Since I’ve been doing youth ministry now (in one form or another) for 16 years, I have had the chance to see the evidence of this. I have had many opportunities to reconnect with people who’s lives I was part of touching for God in their teens. Now they are older, and they still look back to that certain moment in their teen years where God really got a hold of their lives and their dreams. And many of them are walking out the path that was set before them at that time. That’s an awesome privilege to be part of.
So it is with that longitudinal perspective that I now view these experiences. Sometimes youth ministry can feel like so many meaningless meetings, but you have to be able to step out of that and see the long term fruit. And then there are times like this week, where you get to be part of something you know will make a lasting impact.
I can remember those times in my teen years, and from what these kids are saying a week after leaving here, I can tell we really hit the mark. I am so excited about that, because it was such a huge team effort. So many people from our church worked to donate meals, cook meals, house kids…plus 10 youth pastors took a full week to come staff…. and several pastors drove down here to teach for just one session…all together it was a great group effort.
So, that’s it. I’m excited. And anxious to see the fruit 1, 5, and 10 years from now.
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