a•bomb•i•nation
“A preacher should aim to stimulate the mind, stir the heart, and motivate the will.”
When I get the chance to teach at church I think about this quote a lot. I’m not even sure who said it, but somewhere along the line in my life, this quote made an impact in my life. I will often run my teaching through this gauntlet—is it intellectually challenging?; will it touch people emotionally?; is it practical enough to demand a behavioral, volitional response?
To say that I “think about my teachings a lot” is probably a pretty good understatement. I come close to obsessing. Seriously. I typically spend hours mulling over every single detail in my teaching. Generally I won’t even start writing notes down, until I have rehearsed my teaching over and over again in my head. God has gifted (or is it a curse!) me with a very logical brain, so when I think about a teaching, I actually visualize the teaching broken into several-minute chunks. Welcome>Intro (is it a story? funny? serious? bible verse? does this really fit? will it work? will it grab people’s attention? does it seguey perfectly?)>first point…..and on and on.
I obsess over every minute detail. Does this story illustrate exactly what this point will say? Or, I’m making this point, what story from my life can I think of to illustrate this? Does point 1 support and flow into point 2, and then point 3, and overall? Is there a logical flow?
When I’m all done creating, I will often go over it and write times in the margins to help me stay on track—like, point 1 must start at 10:05. (Have I said too much yet?)
I spend so much time inside my head (and spirit) that I have to create activities to help me not fall asleep. It actually is kind of a meditation that I do where I envision myself preaching and just try different approaches, different Scriptures, different stories, one after the other, until it works. So I will often take 30 minute showers during preparation time, in order to stay awake while thinking through this. And I’ve taken to walking. I will pace in my house; sometimes outside my house—back and forth on my sidewalk—and very often in the main room of the church.
I say all this to say that I take creating a teaching very seriously. I try to listen to God for every detail. And this past Sunday, was one of those Sundays for me.
I think my preparation was decent, maybe not my best. The material God put on my heart was solid. Challenging even. The logical flow was good. But you see, you can prepare until the cows come home (which by the way, they never did that night, so maybe that’s the deal) but if you can’t deliver, then it’s virtually pointless. And delivery is where everything fell apart for me. Delivery is usually the EASY part for me. I absolutely love being in front of people and teaching. It is one of my very favorite, most fulfilling, most exciting things to do in life. But I do have an achilles heel—insecurity.
And this Sunday it got the best of me.
Somewhere in between the 9am service and the 11am service, the thought grabbed me that I have been way too serious lately. No funny stories. Not much laughing. Was I doing something wrong? Allowing myself to dwell on this thought eventually led to my demise! During the 11am service, about 10 minutes into the teaching, I looked around and to my eyes, it appeared people were totally bored.
“Oh no! See! You are WAY TOO SERIOUS! Quick! Think of something funny to say! You are losing them! Why did you pick this topic anyway? This topic is too elementary! No one is challenged! They are just feeling sorry for you now!”
And down I went. Further and further. And then, I made my trademark mistake. I started apologizing for myself.
“I’m sorry I’m so serious all the time guys! Man, you are probably thinking where’s the funny Christian we are used to?”
And over the years I’ve learned that me apologizing for myself, is really me saying, “Well I think this really stinks, so you probably do too! Right?!?”
Yeah. So I bombed.
Now, what’s crazy about teaching in church is that even if on the inside I bombed; even if according to my standards I did not attain that level I am shooting for; God still uses the material to touch people’s lives. And inevitably people will come up to me after my worst showings (in my eyes) and say, “That was your best teaching ever!”
WHAT?!?!?!?
I guess that’s God’s way of reminding me that even though I prepare, prepare, prepare . . . in the end the real “oomph” to any good teaching is God. And that, of course, is always my prayer. That God will fill my words with meaning and authority beyond my abilities. And so often he does, for which I am always very grateful.
But anyway, I’m slated to teach again this week. And I am going to conquer this insecurity, and give a teaching knowing that I’m doing what I love, and saying what God wants me to say. And I’m not going to get focused on what other people look like, or think . . .or what I think they think which, might not even be true! I’m just going to enjoy myself, and do my best. And let the words fall where they may…
Your blog posts have been way too serious lately.
Just kidding!! Ah, self doubt can really be the kiss of death. This is true in any pursuit, and what you fell for is the old demon of despair. It can kill you in any creative endeavor, and learning to deal with it is in my opinion the best thing a creative person can do, the most valuable skill they can attain. Because there is always a vulnerability to it. I know you’ll figure it out and come out swinging again.
So true – creativity needs a really safe place to prosper. Its like a kid whose parent constantly belittles their work, they’ll never learn to take risks. And creativity is so often about taking risks.
And hey about the tags. Install a plugin called “Auto Tags” and you’ll never have to add them manually again. It’s better that way, then it’s a better representation of what you write, not what you remember to tag.
Christian..i know that you felt like you bombed, but i honestly loved that teaching!!!!! i didn’t get to hear the end of it, but what i heard was very challenging and convicting..thanks for always putting yourself out there and speaking into so many people’s lives. so many people are so much better for it!!!
Sarah – you are always so encouraging about my teachings! I know that God uses everything, even when I’m not satisfied. I take a lot of comfort in that. In the end its not about me – its about God.
Huh. So, let me if I have this straight:
1. You had a powerful teaching that, despite your perception of how effective you thought you were, really blessed some people.
2. Your perceived effectiveness decreased after some stray thoughts entered your mind.
Hmmm, it’s almost as if someone knew that your teaching was going to be powerful and tried to sabotage it by whispering lies to you. Could it have been… SATAN?
We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5b
I was gonna say something, but PJ already said it.
That Corinthians scripture reminds me of pokemon… gotta catch ‘em all.
Yes and Amen Peaj. Yes, and Amen. For sure. I totally took the bait. Hook, line, and sinker. Its been a great learning experience though. I’m excited to fight back this week :)
Oh, forgot this: ;-)
Wow…all this talk about your teaching makes me sorry I missed it. I bet I would have liked it, though, I always do. We’re always hardest on ourselves, I think.
That is so true Kathie! I am SO hard on myself. Always have been.
Well, you are one of my favorite teachers and I always look forward to sundays when I know you are teaching. True story. And I thought your teaching was good this past Sunday, honestly. But I know what you mean. Sometimes after I sing there is nothing that anybody can say to convince me that it was good cause I know in my heart that it wasn’t my best and that is so frustrating. But that’s when I just have to let it go and try to do better next time…And also realize that a little imperfection isn’t the worst thing to come my way, I guess :-)
I mess up a lot, and I don’t always sing with my best passion, but it seems that just when I know I did poorly, that’s when someone comes up to me and comments on how great the worship was.
Preaching may seem to be more dependent on the ‘performance’ of one person, but its ultimate worth is still dependent on how the Spirit interacts with what we give in the heart of the person who hears.
you are really one of my favorite teachers, too..i don’t get to hear many teachings, but any time you are teaching, i make a point to be in there and hear you. one thing that has always struck me, is that i have such an easy time connecting with what you are saying and it is easy for me to remember what you taught on. I also really admire how much time and preparation you put into all of your teachings..that always shines through and it makes people feel valuable that you care so much for each person to put so much time into speaking into all of our lives..
You are so sweet sarah!!
Just so you know I’m still reading, I’ll comment :) I, too, thought it was a challenging teaching, but I could also feel your inner struggle. How’s about I throw up a prayer for you before this Sunday? (Don’t worry Jason, it’ll be short and sweet!)
Whoa Michele – you got up and walked over to the computer?? ;) LOL Yes, pray for my inner struggle!!
Goodness, Michelle, why don’t you try to sell him Amway while you’re at it?