Mountain biking and the tension of parenthood

I had a great day today. Really.  One of those days where you sit down after it’s all done and just say “thank you.” My greatest days often involve me getting to be with Mandy and the kids all day, and that was true again today. We started with soccer games (always fun!), then played at home, mowed the lawn (yes my kids like to help!), went biking at the creek, got pizza, and watched a movie together!

What I want to talk about though, was my biking adventure. I’ve been wanting to take Samuel and Elliot “mountain biking” on some trails at Fair Hill for a while now.  So today, we did it.  It was awesome. We finished completely covered in dirt, exhausted, bleeding, and happy.  And loving each other.

But as part of this experience, I also endured this tension that often besieges me as a parent. I am a very safety conscious guy, and also have some healthy fears of traumatic events happening. Along with that, I also have a desire to not shelter my kids, and help them learn to experience the daring side of life.

So today, I decided to stretch my boys a little.  I took them on a winding bike path. The further we went, the more scared Elliot got. It got smaller. There were roots. Trees on both sides.  And then, all the sudden, we were biking on a tiny trail with a pretty steep drop off to the left.  That’s when Elliot put his foot down.

It was heart breaking. I saw in his eyes the desire to do what Daddy was doing, but at the same time too much fear to ignore anymore. “I’m not going anymore Daddy!” So we turned around and found a wider, safer trail. Sadly, on the way back  through the smaller trail, Elliot wiped out.  Argh.

Now, away from all the fun, I’m thinking about that trail on top of the drop off, and I’m thinking about my little 8 and 6 year old boys, and I’m thinking – what they heck was a I thinking?!?! What if he had fallen down that drop off?  What if he had gotten seriously injured? What if I couldn’t get him help in time? 

Herein lies my struggle as a parent. I desire to help my kids live life and overcome fear, while I myself am actually plagued by fear of losing them. All my instincts are to shelter them, but I know this would most likely cause worse damage in the long run.

So I’m left walking away thanking God nothing worse happened, but having that gnawing knowledge that sometimes worse things do happen.  And there’s nothing you can do about it, but live your life.

Does anyone else struggle like this, or I am different?