I have decided that waiting on God is hard. Right now we are going through a specific kind of waiting that is proving pretty frustrating to me. My second job, which we have come to rely on, has dried up over the past 6 months, and is showing no signs of reviving. So, for a the last six months I’ve been waiting. Waiting for God to bring us work. Waiting for a new opportunity to present itself. Waiting for something!
You see, ever since Mandy and I got married, God has always provided financial opportunities just in the right amount of time. However, we haven’t really had to look anywhere outside of Elany for the last 8 years. I mean, it has still been a life of faith because we never knew when we’d get work (or when we’d get paid!) but at least there was a fairly reliable source of income. Now, I have no idea what to do next.
I have many thoughts. I’ve looked into driving a bus. I talked to a local Christian high school about being a “chaplain” or something. I’m bidding on freelance design jobs. I have looked at monster.com for graphic design opportunities. I am currently finishing a basement for some friends of mine. I’ve considered writing another book (not that that brings much money). And on and on.
And this is what happens, I just feel like my brain begins to spiral out of control with ideas, and I have no idea what to pursue. Sometimes I believe God asks us to wait, and just wait. And other times, in our waiting on God, I believe he wants us to act. To just do something (to quote Erwin). The problem is I can’t figure out which this is.
I also want to balance our need for extra cash and my desire to not disappear from my family. You know? What’s more important? For the first time in life, I’m really feeling the tension between “provider father” and “involved father.”
So yeah, waiting is hard. But of course I know it’s good. If nothing else, I’ve learned over the past few years that suffering and trials really do produce deeper character in us. And I know that God will lead us, it’s just a matter of when! :)
Anything in your life that you are waiting on God for?
I’m a full time pastor, but I do graphic design as a side job. I haven’t seen any real work for that side job now for half a year. The economic downturn hits home…
This has left me relatively stressed about money. I hate being stressed about money. So far, in my ten years after graduating from college with honors, I have yet to go beyond living paycheck to paycheck. Well scratch that – it happened for about 4 months right before my side job dried up.
So now I’m trying to figure out what to do. Do I trust God and wait for the side job to pick up? If so, for how long? Do I look for another job? What kind? One that I can do at home from my computer would be ideal, but hard to come by. Nothing I could do part time will earn me what design work did.
I’ve thought about teaching at a Christian school part time, coaching a team at a highschool, becoming a bus driver. I even got some applications for being a bus driver, but the lady didn’t think I had much of a chance. Plus, the time commitment makes it almost impossible to hold down my regular job. Who knew?
The problem with most of these jobs, is they will take me away from my family more, which is not something I really want either…at all.
So right now I’m kind of waiting, and pursuing whatever small side jobs present themselves. This is how we used to live when we first got married. I had a job, Mandy had a job, and then God brought small opportunities whenever we needed them. Right now I’m working to finish a basement for a friend of mine. Not the kind of work I really love, but it’s work.
So I’m looking for silver linings:
Not having any design work at night: frees me to up to watch lots of TV! (Yes! – On to my second season of House already!), gives me an opportunity to pursue some other creative goals that maybe I normally wouldn’t (have to say lately TV is winning out against creative goals, but still…), gives me a chance to start a blog! Hey!
Working construction: gives me a chance to learn new things (which I love), work with my hands (which I love until they hurt really bad), wake up early (which I hate), and get dirty (always fun).
Having less money: helps me appreciate the little things in life more (like Ritas, Ritas, Ritas – it’s so cheap!), makes me better at budgeting (who doesn’t want that?!), teaches us discipline (again – fun), and in general, I think, can bring us closer as a family.
So yeah, what in your life are you currently looking for silver linings in?